If a family member or friend has just lost a baby, our first instinct may be to offer words of consolation. Unfortunately, our words can sometimes fail us even when our only intention is to offer sympathy and consolation.
For many of us who have not experienced a miscarriage, we may never fully understand how deep this pain and grief go. And, sadly, in our efforts to sound more comforting we would end up committing verbal lapses instead.
In this blog, we have listed five things we should think twice on before saying them to someone who has just had a miscarriage.
5 Common Miscarriage Comments Which Don’t Help Anyone Who Has Lost a Baby
- I perfectly understand.
This statement is wrong from the very start. The word “perfectly” is such a hyperbole that anyone who utters it while consoling someone will most likely sound inauthentic. It will be impossible for us to perfectly understand the grief of another, especially that of a mother who has just lost her child. And even if we have lost a child ourselves, imposing our own understanding and experience into another person is simply going to sound patronizing and insincere.
- It’s probably for the best.
Although we may mean this well and sincerely hope that things turn out better for our friend, it can also sound trivializing. This woman has just had a miscarriage. As much as she will want to focus on the silver lining, she is still in pain. It will be difficult for her to accept that what has happened will turn out to be for the best.
- You will surely have another baby!
While it’s highly likely that our colleague or friend will carry another child to full-term after a miscarriage, reminding her of this will only emphasize her pain. She may be reminded that although she will have one or two more babies in the future, she will no longer have the baby she has lost due to her miscarriage.
- God has his reasons.
Although others can appreciate this comment, it may not always sit well with someone who has just lost a life inside of her. Also, not everyone may be spiritual or religious enough to believe in the concept of a God. Imposing our own understanding of things on others will not help.
- Did you do/eat/take anything you were not supposed to?
Although we may be saying this with a tone of genuine concern, the grieving mother may construe it as blaming. Also, without having to admit it, she may already be blaming herself for what had happened. There is simply no point in adding insult to injury, so to speak.
What Can We Say Instead?
As a way to offer words of comfort, we can simply tell our friend how sorry we are for what happened. We can remind her, too, that we will be there when she needs us. We can also ask her if there’s anything that we can do for her in this difficult time. We can also give them the space to be silent for a while as they sort through their feelings of loss, regret, and even guilt.
Showing Sympathy in Other Ways
Even a simple “I’m sorry “will suffice if we can’t find the right words to console a friend who has just had a miscarriage.
If we want to customize our gesture, we can always do so twitha letter, a card, or a sympathy gift for grieving mothers. Sympathy gifts allow us to express our comfort and love, even when we can’t always be around physically.
To search for meaningful sympathy gifts for a friend who has just had a miscarriage, check out our selections at The Comfort Company here.